Desperate Measures
by Clowie
Summary: Hermione and Ron. The perfect couple. What happens when the muggle world turns them corrupt. What happens when the strive for perfection kills them. Hermione's POV- When all else fails you resort to desperate measures
1. Perfection is overated

When all else fails you resort to desperate measures

Author Note: **I haven't written anything in forever and then suddenly this popped into my head and I had to get it out. R/Hr- but like you've never seen it before (well I hope). Enjoy!**

When all else fails you resort to desperate measures. You do whatever you can to get what you want. Greed fills you up. It takes you over, removes all light from your heart and makes it ache. You can't move on, can't step away. You want it. You have to have it. Nothing can stop you, your hearts already black.

Stop you, impossible. Hurt you, unthinkable. No one can do anything. You hold the power, the key. With a heart like yours, a brain so clouded with desire, you can't be halted, you can't be hurt.

A knife, the cold, piercing silver, collides with your flesh but the pain doesn't come, the blackness doesn't envelop you. You're too close for that. Too close for insignificant, meaningless things like pain.

Your hand reaches forward, fingers brush the smooth, warm surface. Fist clenches around it. It cuts into your hand.

Your grip tightens as the darkness defeats you. The unthinkable, the impossible.

_The snow falls against your skin, wet and soft, trapped in your eyelashes, littering your nose, that new coat you got for Christmas. The rough, warm hand in yours tells you that everything will be all right. Peace overwhelms you as contentment fills your heart, provides you with heat despite the cold. Perfection is over rated. This is close enough. This is all you want. The hand pulls you closer and the snow seems to disappear. _

"_You'd think the snow would stop eventually, it's almost March," the smooth, crisp voice wafts into your mind, lips lightly touching your ear. You laugh. What else is there to do? The giddiness is overwhelming. Laughing is all you can do._

"_Ron, you've live in England all your life and you still haven't gotten used to the crap weather? Whatever will we do with you?" you laugh again, sighing as you relax against a wall of strength, a cacoon of comfort._

He stand's over you, that same tower of strength, that same old, lovable rock. No longer yours though, that's the difference. A big difference. So much has changed, will never be the same. Everything that kept you going is gone. Your fault, you think. All of it is your fault.

No longer do those big blue eyes look at you in adoration. His big, rough hand no longer clings to yours. His eyes are hollow, indifferent. No care is present, friendship wasn't a possibility. Your heart begins to crack as you stare into this face, this once loving face, and all you feel is the harsh pang of nothingness.

There is nothing left but he's still here. He has found you once more, saved you once more.

_The rain clouds your mind, a shadow creeping up on you. It's all too much. Too intense, too emotional, too…_

_You need something more. _

_Laughter is no longer enough. There needs to be something more then contentment. Maybe perfection isn't over rated. _

_You need an escape. It'll just be a once of, you tell yourself. It'll just take of the edge. Allow you to think straight. The bleak greyness of London always does this to you. You feel trapped, breathing is hard. You're suffocating in the dreariness, the lack of life, the overwhelming familiarity. _

_So you move away from the ice cold window, stop staring at the drip drip dripping rain, remove yourself from the chill it leaves in your heart. Fingers clasp the phone as you dial the still unfamiliar number. _

_Your heart beat increases as the phone begins to ring. It's a bad idea but your numb, your frozen and you can't put the phone down. The loud, piercing ringing is like a distant song. You are merely watching from afar. _

_Then it clicks,_

"_Hullo" questions this strangely cockney, strangely empty voice._

"_I was wondering if…well you know…um…" you drift of, the words are there but your tongue isn't working_

"_Can I help you luv?" it questions again, this time he's bored. For him this is routine._

"_I need to relax and my friend…a friend of a friend actually, told me you have something that might…that might take the edge of" you begin again, rambling has always been a problem._

"_Ahh, first timer eh? Well I think I may have somethin' for you, somethin' to help you…relax" you can hear the laughter in his voice but you give your details anyway. Your mother always told you that sinning was easy._

Author Note: **First chapter up. There's more to it I promise. Reviews are what keep me going. Cheers!**


	2. Destruction is too easy

Author's Note: **So I hope you like this chapter. And I own nothing. I write for my own, and hopefully others, entertainment.**

It was so easy at first. You rang up, sent the money and it arrived the next day. You could hide it too. That same old, reliable excuse that you were sick and the tablets were painkillers.

Who would question you anyway? Your supposed innocence was like a tattoo on your forehead, plain for the entire world to see. You never tried to be innocent, never attempted to give of that vibe you were just born that way. He used to joke that you could look up innocence in the dictionary, along with reliability, and the definition would be your name.

How wrong he was. How wrong they all were.

You stare into his hollow eyes and he stares back.

It amazes you that love used to radiate between you. As much as you used to symbolise innocence your relationship with him used to be the very essence of love. How wrong that assumption was. If love was what you shared then how could it have died?

Wrong question. If love was what you shared how did you manage to kill it?

Before your glazes would lock and one of you would blush, a stumbling sentence would escape your tied tongue and the other would giggle. It had been that way since Fourth Year.

The year that had changed everything. When you realised just what he meant to you. The giggling and sputtering. The fighting and playful banter. That's how love works, isn't it? Love is your heart pounding in your throat when the other person enters a room, the knowledge that you can share everything with one single person and they won't judge you.

This is what you've been told anyway. This is what you used to feel. Now you look into his eyes and there's nothing there that would make you blush. They're empty. You're empty.

* * *

"_You alright, sweetheart?" he whispers, voice laden with concern, blue orbs searching yours. You smile half- heartedly, convince your eyes to lie. _

_Red stains them, the lines crisscross the once golden brown, a new hollow element, a new darkness._

_He still hasn't noticed. You no longer care if he does. He'll guess eventually, you know that one day it'll all be found out. Right now you're too far gone to care. The façade will go on a little while longer._

"_I'm fine, just tired," you lean up to kiss his sweet lips and he melts against you. You feel him smile into the kiss and you savour the moment. _

_You love him. This can't last much longer, you tell yourself. You owe him too much. He means too much. _

_He breaks away and he pulls you closer. You always feel safe next to him. You always feel content. He looks down at you with that familiar adoring glaze and you blush. How could you not? The attraction is undeniable. The security he gives you is undoubtable. The unbreakable tower of strength. _

_But he makes you feel vulnerable. In front of him you always feel naked, stripped bare, translucent. This vulnerability always beats the security. This vulnerability is why your eyes are bloodshot, why the glass on the window seems like the best escape. _

"_I wish we could stay here forever," he whispers gently with a sleepy sigh, "what more could anyone ask for, eh?" he laughs and you laugh to. _

_What other response can you give? You can't tell him that you want so much more. You can't voice your doubts. Your dream has already crumbled. No point in crushing his as well._

* * *

The pain finally over takes you, sears through you. It's scorching, shrill, humiliating. You scream before you can control yourself. Your whole side aches, wave after wave of pain curses through you. You can't take it. It's too much and you can't stop yourself from screaming.

All he does is watch. No comforting hand moves towards you. No soothing words are whispered into your ear. You can see it written on his face.

Your fault. You deserve this agony. You deserve to hear the piercing ache written in your own voice. You deserve to have your heart broken.

He's right. So you continue to stare into those empty eyes, begging him to help stop the pain. But he doesn't.

Those sweet eyes don't show any new emotion, that rough hand doesn't even twitch. He simply stares. There is nothing left between you, you know that.

But he saved you.

To you this means something. More then you could ever say.

Author Note: **I heart reviews. Constructive criticism, whatever. Just tell me what you think. Cheers!**

_._


	3. Is it worth it

Author Note: So a new day, a new chapter

**Author Note: **So a new day, a new chapter. Please read. I own nothing

Then he voices it. What you already know.

"You deserve this, you know that right?" an edge of bitterness mingled with regret, unsteadiness. You don't know what to say. This conversation, this accusation has happened before. You've dreamt it.

It's your reoccurring nightmare. It's what makes you never want to wake up.

You open your dry, cracking mouth to answer but nothing comes out. A mirthless laugh escapes his lips as he shakes his head.

"Offcourse you know, it was your choice. You…you…you chose this," his fierce, broken whisper breaks your heart. Worse then you imagined, much worse.

He was supposed to think you didn't have a choice. His heart wasn't supposed to break.

Your eyes lock once more and you're shocked to meet a fire of surging emotion. They're burning with that long gone passion once more.

But this time they're full of loathing, not love. This time it's because his heart is broken.

_A dull fuzz, an unidentifiable blur. Cold water cascades down your burning throat, soothing. You're floating in a distorted ocean, crazy blue, wild purple. A giggle escapes your lips, shrill and hollow. Soon you can't stop as the broken, high pitched melody drifts sharply into the air, filling your brain, adding to the buzzing emptiness. You don't want to stop._

_You hear the door click but you don't move. Normally you'd make an attempt to hide it. You're too far gone for that. You no longer care. It'd be easier for him to know._

_Fresh needle on the floor, blood still slowly dripping from your arm, eyes bloodshot and still undeniably high, he walks in. _

"_Hey love I'm…" the unfinished sentence hangs in the air. Those big blue eyes fill with shock and something else, something dark underlying them, destroying the brightness. _

_Disgust._

_You look up and laugh, snapping him out of his stupor. Fury etched in every step he stalks towards you. His bright red hair suddenly isn't cute and soft. Instead it flickers like fire as he threateningly comes closer. Rough hands gruffly snap you up from the ground littered in blood. _

_Your blood. _

_Your back slams against the wall._

"_What the hell do you think you're playing at!" he growls, voice thick, emotion flowing freely. _

_It's his eyes that do it. The heartbreak is screaming from those orbs. The dark, downward spiral begins. _

"_Well, what they fuck is this?" this time his voice cracks. You shake your head feebly, the high is gone._

"_I…this is…I…"but you're wheezing voice wont let you answer, your brain wont work. He snarls, your back is shoved more firmly against the wall._

"_Don't you dare…don't," he gulps, fights back the tears. Shaking that shaggy mane he takes a ragged breath. _

_He could always keep his cool, was always able to think straight no matter what. _

"_This isn't the first time. I'm not an idiot, Hermione. Your arms aren't always hidden. But…if…I love you and if you…promise me that this will be the last time you…you…well you know I…we can get through this," his voice laden with emotion, filled with unlimited love. _

_His eyes soften, grip loosens. You collapse, sobbing, into his waiting arms and you promise yourself that you can stop, tell yourself it's not worth it. But again a thought crosses your mind, darkening your red crossed windows._

_Is this enough?_

"Ron, I didn't do this…it wasn't me" you breathe but you know where the truth lies and this, this blatant lie, isn't it. That mirthless, cold laugh reverberates through you, shakes you to your very core.

You cut in before he can. It's time to explain. Time to let the madness fall down, crush you.

"No, it was me but…I changed. I know this will sound stupid but us…what we had…wasn't enough anymore. I wanted to be more than Harry Potter's brainy best friend. I needed to be more than the brightest witch of our generation," its all coming out now, you don't hold back.

"I was stupid and…well I needed to relax so I managed to get some…um…something to relax me and it got out of control…" you drift off, your voice fading. Even to you it sounds pathetic. There is no excuse.

But you can't stop. Won't stop.

The desire has taken you over. You still want to feel the needle digging into your flesh. That high is still what you strive for. Nothing means anything in comparison. It won't end the way he wants it to. A perfect fairy tale, the prince and the princess, isn't a possibility. Never was a possibility.

"FUCK!" His absolute anger startles you.

A crackling, sparking fire should bring warmth. Emitted from those eyes it sends a chill down your spine, freezes your bones, and temporarily stills your blackened heart.

"That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. If there was something…anything wrong with us you should have spoken to me," those piercing eyes soften slightly and despite the situation, despite the pain still cursing through you, you feel safe.

"We were _perfect_, Hermione. Bloody Hell, I was close to asking you to marry me." He chokes,

"It was supposed to….supposed to last forever. We…to me…it was the most important thing in the world…" his voice gets stuck in his throat, strangled and quietly sobbing.

He shakes his head again. Must stay on track. Mustn't let ones emotions win. You know, deep down, that his teaspoon is overflowing.

"You changed and we changed because you…you…you couldn't fucking cope! You chose this. You broke _everything_ we worked at for _years_," that casual look of indifference, the bitterness lacing each word is too much.

You begin to cry once more, heart-wrenching, hurtful sobs.

**Author Note: **Reviews are what keep me writing. Cheers!


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